Getting other people to change for us won’t solve our problems!

Getting other people to change for us won’t solve our problems!

Have you ever thought: If only that person would change this habit or think more as I do, then I will be happier?

If you are a normal person, it is likely that you will have had this type of thought or similar thoughts sometimes in your life, and some of you will have had, and are continuing to have, these types of thoughts often!

  • It’s your fault that I’m feeling no good
  • If you didn’t have that bad habit then I would like you a lot more
  • Why don’t you agree with me so that we can be happy together
  • You need to act differently and think differently and then I will feel better about myself

Does any of this sound familiar?

Do you really consider that it is a good idea for everyone else to ‘change’ to conform to OUR ideas on what is good and bad?

If your answer is yes, you are doomed to live an unhappy life either alone or in an unsatisfying relationship. Read on to find out why.

There is always someone else to blame!

For our life ending to be happy, we need to be living a happy daily journey!

I have not ever met anyone who does not desire to live a happy life!

When asked what people want to achieve, all of them choose happiness as a goal. No one has ever said to me “My goal is to live an unhappy life.” I guess it’s possible that there may be someone out there that feels like they really, really, need to punish themselves so much for something ‘bad’ they perceive they have done, but I have not yet met anyone so determined to hurt themselves that they want to be unhappy for their whole life.

Did you hear what I said then?…….. HURT THEMSELVES. Because, basically, that is what being unhappy is- a form of self-punishment. When we are unhappy we are in a low vibrational state and low vibrations cause our mind and body stress and to be in a state of dis-ease. If we stay unhappy, angry, jealous, fearful, etc. for any amount of time, we will become sick as our body is degraded by the low vibrations.

The alternative is to be in a high vibrational state which will support our health and wellbeing and give us a better life experience. We achieve a higher vibration by FEELING GOOD.

So how do we create good feelings for ourselves?

It quite easy really and we all can do it! We THINK THOUGHTS that will bring us into a state of feeling good, of feeling uplifted, happy, vibrant, joyous and abundant!

So, there’s no trick to it, no magic formula, no equipment requires, no payments needed…..

BUT: You cannot achieve a state of positive wellbeing if your happiness is reliant on what other people are thinking and doing.

So, what’s wrong with me expecting other people to change so I can feel happier?

Imagine if everyone you knew walked up to you today and each one mentioned one thing about you that they did not like. And imagine if they expected YOU to change to conform to their ideas of what you should be like to please them. Would you do it????

I think not! So why should we expect others to conform to what we think is right in the belief that it will make us happy? And even if one or two or ten of them did, what about the other twenty or one hundred people that will come into our lives and not be as perfect as we want them to be? There will always be a never-ending list of things that people do that we don’t like.

It’s actually just unreasonable to expect others to change for us, and therefore unreasonable for us to lay the burden of OUR HAPPINESS OR LACK OF IT on the shoulders of our family, friends, work colleagues, and acquaintances, on governments, sports teams or religions. The truth is that other people are not here to make us happy. They are too concerned with their own lives most of the time to even consider us.

So, that leads us to the only genuine option: The only real solution for us to finding happiness for ourselves is TO CHANGE OURSELVES.

I’m not suggesting anything drastic or difficult, but am only suggesting that we change the way we see the world. And how do we do this? The only way we can achieve real and lasting happiness in our lives is by changing the way WE are thinking!

It is our thoughts that cause us to feel a certain way, and we can change our feeling at any time simply by changing our thoughts!

When we separate our world up into piles of stuff that is ‘good or bad’ or anything in between, it creates judgment in our thoughts and consequently we will receive the corresponding ‘good and bad’ feelings.

So by judging stuff, we are actually giving away control of how we are feeling, (and our overall wellbeing) to our habitual thought processes.

To escape from the trap of having habitual judgmental thoughts, two things are really important.

  • First, we need to understand that WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS!
  • And secondly, we need to become aware of our thought patterns and change the ones that are not supporting our desire for a happy life

So, we are not our thoughts……. But the thoughts we are having at any given time determine how we will be feeling. And the really great thing about this is that WE CAN CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE OUR THOUGHTS AT ANY GIVEN TIME TO FEEL ANYWAY WE WANT!

I challenge you to think about something negative that happened in your past and try to feel good at the same time or to think of the happiest time in your life and try to feel bad while thinking about it. It’s impossible! This simple exercise should reinforce to you that it is your thoughts that lead to your feelings, which lead to your emotional state of being.

OUR THOUGHTS CREATE OUR STATE OF WELLBEING AT ALL TIMES!

Therefore, our wellbeing is not dependent on what other people think of us, what other people are thinking in general, or on what other people are doing/have done!

Got it??????? Good. So now we can move on to learn how we can become happy at all times in all situations.

Good, happy, and joyful thoughts can only lead to feelings of happiness and general overall wellbeing. The opposite is also true!

In any situation, we can have many different thoughts about what is going on. These thoughts will be specific to us and may or may not be the same as other people involved in the same event. This shows that people have ‘free will’ to think how they choose to about events that are happening. And It is our own thoughts that lead to how we are feeling, NOT the thoughts or actions of others. We ALWAYS have choice, and it is our choice of thoughts that lead directly to our feelings. For example:

  • Thinking that leads to unhappiness/stress/disease: You need to be different so that I can feel better about myself!
  • Thinking that leads to happiness/ease/inner peace: I accept you as you are without judgment. You are part of the diversity that I need in my life to help me evolve into all that I can be!

The difference in the effect on our feelings and overall wellbeing is profound. Sickness or health, happy or unhappy, are choices we are making AT ALL TIMES by the way we are either consciously choosing to think or subconsciously thinking based on old habits.

Unconsciously reacting based on habits keeps us imprisoned into repeating the past and it is not until we CONSCIOUSLY BECOME AWARE OF OUR THOUGHTS that we can take control of them and use them to ALWAYS create feelings of wellbeing for ourselves.

This is not as hard as it may at first seem. The most important factor here to creating a life of happiness and general wellbeing is that you must REALLY, REALLY, DESIRE IT! Your desire, if strong enough, will ensure your success.

How can I change my thoughts to be positive in situations that I am currently not happy with?

Easy! Ask yourself many times every day, “How does my Spiritual-Self, my Soul, my Inner-Being, the higher aspects of My-Self, FEEL about this situation, FEEL about them, FEEL about what just happened, FEEL about……….

Even if we cannot stand the situation, the person, or anything that is happening, it is guaranteed that the higher aspects of OUR-SELF, (that part of us that is connected to SOURCE ENERGY) feels nothing but unconditional love for ALL THAT EXISTS. It simply cannot be any other way!

So, when we choose to pause and become mindful of our feelings and ask ourselves this simple question, How does my Spiritual SELF feel about………? The answer is always one of total acceptance without any sort of judgment whatsoever!

Source Energy, the creator of all things, (including us and those that we may not approve of) cannot see the negative aspects that we assign to people or events. Our Inner Being, or connection to Source, sees diversity and loves it, as it is diversity that offers us the opportunity to grow and expand our own consciousness beyond what it is now.

What if I don’t agree with or feel what my Inner Being feels?

Often, we will not allow ourselves to connect with this loving energy as we are still trapped in a reality where we like to be right, and would rather argue to try to force our point, or just continue to believe that others are in the wrong. This negativity on our part will only come back to bite us in the ass as The Law of Attraction will return negativity back to us in equal proportion to what we give out.

Defending how we FEEL to defend our ego, even when it is negative, is a crazy option because we are the ones who are negatively affected by it. The alternative to this is that we would be feeling good if we listened to our inner being.

People who are not tuned into what their Inner Being feels will continue to suffer a life of pain and lack because they are out of tune with their true essential nature and the reasons that our soul chose to become human. OUR SOUL CHOOSE TO BECOME HUMAN TO EXPERIENCE DIVERSITY, FOR All the EXPERIENCES, FOR ALL THE JOURNEY OF GROWTH AND EXPANSION, NOT JUST THE DESTINATION.

Diversity is necessary for our personal growth and development and the evolution of all life!

As Souls, we came into human bodies to experience life in a physical reality. If we all arrived on the planet thinking the same thoughts, knowing the same stuff, agreeing with each other all the time, and liking and disliking the same things, life would be very dull and uninteresting. We would never be able to learn anything new because there would be no friction for us to grow against.

If we now want everyone to be the same as us, (as many people do- including groups of people with strong religious, political beliefs, etc.) then we are denying ourselves the opportunity to grow which is denying the very reason our soul came to earth to play at being a human.

We become inspired to create something different when we are exposed to something that we ‘don’t like.’ This creates change which is good for the evolution of humanity and ALL life on the planet.

We came forth with the deliberate intention of being different to each other so that we would have something’s to learn from each other and something’s to teach to others, and if we ask our Inner Being ‘What do you feel about this experience?’ we will feel nothing but love and reassurance that EVERYTHING IS AS IT SHOULD BE.

Overall, our differences create balance in the world. So where we may now see prejudice or hate, know that the opposite also exists. There is the same proportion of tolerance and love available.

Our mission, for our self, should be to always try to align ourselves with our Inner Being so that we THRIVE and will have a happy and satisfying life experience.

We should let others live the life that they choose for themselves, as really it is none of your business, and at the end of the day, they too are an infinite soul, just like us, and they also have chosen to be here on this wonderful planet to experience diversity, growth, and expansion through experience while in a human body.

So, everyone will benefit when we help ourselves first by aligning with source energy, and then once we are in alignment we are in a good position to be of service to others who desire to know why we are so happy all the time 🙂

What a wonderful life!

Which side of the scale do you wish to align your energy with? You can either listen to your Inner Being and thrive or continue to be in conflict with your soul’s desires for you, and experience pain and suffering. The choice is, and has always been, yours!

Repeat after me: “I choose to align myself with my Inner Being and feel good all the time.”

Repeat above statement again, and again, and again, and again…………..

Shared with love and respect with the hope of making the world a better place, one soul at a time 🙂

Andrew

About Andrew

COMMENTS to James

  1. Wonderful article once more Andrew, thank you! Such a pleasure to read. All of it! All experience is created from the inside out. No single experience is forced upon us, and we are the source of our own feelings. Powerful stuff hey! And you know what, if I’m really honest with you: I don’t even believe we have to consciously change our thoughts. Yes, it definitely is possible to consciously manipulate our thoughts but in my experience, it is very draining and often pushes the less welcome thoughts out of the way. But isn’t that what we want, you may ask? I gave up wanting that and now allow a fully free flow of thoughts occurring moment by moment without me interfering! Negative, positive thoughts, they are ALL WELCOME! When we understand that the true nature of thoughts is transient and illusory, there is nothing to worry about anymore, thoughts are just thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, all the same. I find when I DON’T EVEN INTERFERE AT ALL, in other words, I am not consciously changing my thoughts with my ego-consciousness but allow free flow to occur, I feel the most stress-free. This so-called Free Flow of Thoughts also allows even more Inspiration to come through which I find fascinating and miraculous! Thank you again for your wonderful reflections here! Blessings.

    1. Hey Luna. Welcome back 🙂
      Thank you for your insightful comment and additional content that adds to my article.
      This ‘Free Flow of Thoughts’ is a great idea. As you say all thoughts are transient and illusionary, and the nature of our mind is to think! So, we are always thinking, but most of the time we are not conscious of our thoughts. As you say, they can be positive or negative and it doesn’t really matter, as long as we do not identify with them or become attached to them.
      Consciously trying to change them does require effort and that effort, if directed towards our goals, I believe can produce the results in our life that we desire.

      I am intrigued by your comments that ‘This so-called Free Flow of Thoughts also allows even more Inspiration to come through which I find fascinating and miraculous!’ so I am going to give it a go for a while. I believe there are ‘Many roads to Rome,’ as the saying goes, and for us, this means that there is no singular ‘way or path’ to achieving our soul’s goals for us in this lifetime. The more the merrier and this is how we learn and have fun along the way.
      Thanks for sharing 🙂
      With much love and respect,
      Andrew

  2. Interesting sharing, Andrew. I agree with you that we need to become aware of our thought patterns and change the ones that are not good for us. Sometimes we are not aware of how inner negative thoughts affect our way of doing things. E.g. Some people always think they are not capable of achieving some goals. If we try to change our thoughts into positive ones and focus on how we can do certain things, we can really achieve more. I also found the power of positive thinking really good to empower ourselves.

    1. Hi Ty. Thanks for your comments. I agree that we can all achieve more. Becoming aware of our limiting thought patterns is the first necessary step to overcoming the limits that we put on ourselves. It’s not always easy to become aware of them, and this is why practices like mindfulness and meditation are so important. They reveal the thought patterns that are subconsciously going through our mind and give us valuable insights as to why we have the circumstances that we have in our lives.
      Positive thinking is really, really good, and the more we can be positive, the better our life circumstances will become. However, positive thinking alone will not guarantee that we will achieve all of our goals. We also need to take positive action in the right direction!
      I wish you well on your journey. Kind regards,
      Andrew

  3. Good and informative article! It’s true what you say: you cannot expect others to change to make you happy! It’s us that need to take action if we want something different. If you do what you did, you’ll get what you got, right? Thanks for sharing your insights and knowledge.

    1. Many thanks for reading and commenting on my post. We alone are responsible for the circumstances of our lives, and the sooner we realize that what we receive is equal to what we put out, (Law of Attraction) the sooner we may start making better decisions that will lead to a better life experience for ourselves. I wish you all the best.
      Kind regards,
      Andrew

  4. Great article I can relate a lot to it. Like you said the key is to change ourselves not others. We just have to be willing to change. Change is not always comfortable so some of us, in particular myself, shy away from change. Look forward to more from you.

    1. Hi James. Even though change is not always comfortable, it is to our advantage to be able to change and adapt to what is going on around us, as we can guarantee that our circumstances and the environment are constantly changing. I look at change as an adventure and opportunity to learn new stuff. It is exciting and fun compared to sticking with a well-known routine. I wish you well on your journey, my friend.
      Cheers, Andrew

  5. Totally agree that you can never be happy if you’re dependent on others opinion about you. Instead, happiness should be from within and it’s quite easy to achieve. I find myself able to generate sustainable joy when I’m practicing gratitude and forgiveness. Great sharing.

    1. Hi Kenny. Practicing gratitude and forgiveness is a great way to attain inner peace and general wellbeing. This is something that we should all be striving for as our lives really are important, and we should treat ourselves with the respect that we deserve.
      I wish you well on your journey. Cheers mate,
      Andrew

  6. I have been a fan of the law of attraction 2 years ago and I found great results regarding the power of positive thinking. I think your post is extremely helpful for a beginner and I particularly love the sentence “OUR THOUGHTS CREATE OUR STATE OF WELLBEING AT ALL TIMES!” That means we have a choice to be positive/negative about every event in our life. This is a very important understanding we should have and I really hope your blog will spread to more people.

    1. Hi Hans. Thanks for reading and commenting on my post. It’s true that we always have choices available to us, and what’s interesting is that so many people are continually making choices that do not support their overall wellbeing. I guess it’s just not their time to wake up to their true spiritual nature yet. I wish them well as they continue to play the game of being a ‘human doing’ and know when the time is right for them, that they too will choose to live a life of joy, love, abundance, and peace.
      All the best to you my friend,
      Andrew

  7. A really uplifting blog post! Sometimes it’s all about what comes from within. Also, we need more uplifting pieces of content on this planet at the moment. More happiness and love as opposed to misery and hate.
    Thanks for posting 🙂

    1. Thanks for taking the time to read my post, Chris. Everything is about what we feel within because we can only experience life from our own point of view, not through anyone else’s experiences. The same goes for everyone else on the planet, and we are all here to have our own experience and add what we learn to the collective experience of humanity. What a wonderful journey it is when we tune into our Inner Being and follow our soul’s desires for MORE LIFE!
      Enjoy every day my friend. Kind regards,
      Andrew

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