Should I be worried if people don’t like me?

people don't like me- Woman punching man in the face

An advantage of being liked by other people is that they may be more willing to go out of their way to help us. But other than this, is it really important whether other ‘people don’t like me’ or not? No, most of the time it’s not.

Why should we care if the guy we pass walking down the street gave us an indifferent stare or the checkout person at the supermarket didn’t smile at us? What about our ‘friends’ at work and the sports club? Maybe they didn’t make an effort to have a meaningful conversation with us yesterday, so now we think that they don’t like us. It may be true, but not necessarily so.

The reality is that other people are so wrapped up in their dramas that they probably never even gave us a second thought. Yes, the people we are worrying about, if they like us or not, are too busy wondering if they turned the oven off, fed the cat, passed the exam….. or if we, and 100 other people they know, like them or not. Think about it…. why would they be any different from us in that respect?

Why do you think ‘other people don’t like me’?

Other people judge us on the impressions we let them see. They see us here and now, and that will include whatever dramas and emotional baggage we are currently carrying. And of course, this will vary from day to day, and as the weeks and months pass by and we are constantly having to deal with different stuff.

And it’s the same when we see other people. Maybe we meet someone for the first time and their favorite aunt has just passed away, but they don’t tell us that. They may come across as gloomy, depressed, and uninteresting…. Whereas, if we met them on a different day, under different circumstances (like when they have just won the lottery) we would form a different opinion of them. And it’s the same for us……

Maybe the person we want to like us has just caught us when we are having a bad day! It’s nothing to be concerned about…. because nothing is forever, and we can always set up further opportunities to make a second impression if we feel developing this relationship is important.

Other people have their dramas going on and are too self-absorbed to be thinking about us.

Do you like everyone you meet? It’s an impossibility because some people are just going to rub you the wrong way. And the same applies to us, in that we will, for one of many reasons, get under many other people’s skin.

NLP Hero audio track for total confidenceMaybe they just have nothing in common with you and therefore consider there’s no point in getting to know you. And that’s perfectly OK! Even Jesus Christ and the Buddha were not liked by everyone…… and they would rank among the kindest and most compassionate people to have ever lived! This goes to show it doesn’t matter who we are, how good we are, or what we know and can do, that not everyone will like us!

Another thing to consider is that there’s really no advantage in being liked by people we have nothing in common with. I mean, why would you want to hang out with them anyway? So don’t be concerned with whether they like you or not….. there’s no need to take it personally if they don’t!

Maybe they don’t even like themselves very much. And if this is the case, them not liking you is ‘their problem’ and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Because none of us are capable of developing any meaningful relationships with anyone else until we first fix our relationship with ourselves.

Could this be your problem? That you don’t love yourself? Maybe this is why you are not able to allow other people to connect with you in any sort of meaningful way?

To develop deep and meaningful relationships, we first need to learn to love ourselves.

We could have 100’s or 1000’s of people liking us….. but none of it will mean anything to us if we do not love ourselves! Because how can we accept love from others if we consider that we are not even worthy of our love?

The question of whether people like us or not is something we will only be concerned with if we are insecure and lacking in self-confidence. For people who are at peace with themselves and are enjoying their lives, whether other people like them or not is irrelevant.

It’s only insecure people that need the approval of others to reassure them that they are likable. The ‘likes’ give the impression, however only temporarily, that they are ok, that life isn’t so bad, and that they are somehow worthy. This allows the insecure person to temporarily suspend their dislike of themselves. They somehow reason that, “if I’m liked by others, maybe I’m not so bad after all and maybe I could even like myself a little more?”

Man standing on top of mountain banner for Midas ManifestationThe problem we have is not one of being ‘unlikeable.’ The problem is our perception of ourselves. At some time in the past, we accepted an idea that we were unlikeable, and then the more we thought about it, or were exposed to this idea, the stronger it became.

Repeated thoughts become beliefs…. and therefore we now have a belief that is ingrained into our psyche. However, just because we believe something, does not mean it is true. We could have just as easily picked up on the times when we were liked, and people said complimentary things about us. If we did this, our beliefs would now affirm that we are, in fact, likable and worthy of our own love.…

Worrying if other people don’t like me or not is a waste of our time and energy.

When has worrying about something ever had a positive effect on us or the outcome of events and circumstances? The answer would be NEVER!

Worrying if people like us or not doesn’t change anything…. well, that’s not entirely true, because it does make us sicker, depressed, and stressed out!….. all these negative outcomes for no good reason….. it just seems a little crazy to waste our time and energy engaged in an activity that doesn’t achieve anything beneficial.

A better use of your time and energy would be to engage in activities that will be of benefit to you. So, why not ‘become’ the person you would like to be hanging out with. And because like attracts like, then you can make it a lifelong mission to constantly ‘upgrade’ yourself as your wants and desires change throughout your life. Yes, if you work on yourself to become a friend to yourself, you will then begin to attract similar people to you… the kind you want to hang out with.

We do this best by fully immersing ourselves in our own lives and in the things we want to achieve. And by doing so, we will become too busy enjoying ourselves to worry about whether other people like us or not!

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So, should I be worried if other people don’t like me?

We cannot be everything to everybody. It’s an impossibility to please everyone all of the time because people are just so diverse in their likes, wants, and needs.

Therefore, we should focus on the one thing that we have control over…. And that is ourselves (because we cannot control other people!) If we take better care of our mental and emotional states, we will understand that we can have a happy life regardless of whether other people like us or not.

So, just go out and live your life to the fullest, and you will attract other people who are doing the same. This mutual attraction will give you a great quality of friends, people who think similarly and enjoy doing the same things as you.

And the happiness you will feel will help you understand that it doesn’t matter if some other people like you or not!

Shared with love and respect for all souls playing the game of life,


2 thoughts on “Should I be worried if people don’t like me?

  1. “Maybe the person we want to like us has just caught us when we are having a bad day! It’s nothing to be concerned about…” I had to read this part several times. I realized it’s so true!

    Several times we waste energy worrying about peoples’ likes when it was just a little first impression problem.
    I honestly think humans care too much about what people think for their own good, and while it has its advantages, sometimes it really eats deep into us and causes serious esteem issues. No one can be liked by everyone in the first place.

    In the end, the only thing we can truly control is ourselves, like you said, and all our attention and energy should be channeled on this.
    This is a brilliant and timely piece, Andrew. We’re grateful to you.


    1. Thanks for your kind words, Femi. I appreciate them 🙂

      You are right. We do spend too much time worrying about what others think about us….. and it’s a waste of time and energy.
      Our time and energy are better spent just getting on with our lives in the best possible way we can, being true to ourselves….. and then if people like us, great! And if they don’t… so what. Because we are being authentic, if they don’t like us, then we probably wouldn’t want them in our circle of friends anyway because they wouldn’t be a good match.

      We should live with the intention of being ‘ourselves,’ and realize that that is enough! and people can take it or leave it!

      I wish you well, Femi.
      Have a great day,

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