You need to know that whatever you are feeling is valid. Yes, your feelings are important because the way you are feeling at any given moment is a direct indicator of the quality of your life. If you are feeling good a lot of the time, then life is great. If you are constantly being brought down by dealing with other people’s problems, then life will suck!
The situation is made worse when you realize that when other people are constantly dumping on you, it’s going to negatively affect your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
So, if you’re realizing that being there for other people is draining you, then for your own well-being, you need to be proactive and change the dynamics of those relationships.
Whose Fault Is It When You Ar Dealing With Other People’s Problems?
People are strange creatures, yes, you and me included. We all have our issues to work through, and that is the joy and purpose of our lives…. to learn how we can have the best possible experience.
Our lives get better and better when we come to terms with our problems and overcome them. And with that in mind, there are two aspects to the issue of other people dumping their problems on you that need to be addressed.
The first is that the people dumping on you may be selfish, attention-seeking individuals, or just detached from the reality of how their behavior is affecting people around them. So, you can rightly view them as a problem for you…
And the second aspect that you need to consider is that ‘you’ have a problem because of the way ‘you’ have allowed your interactions with this person to develop…. Remember, their life is all about them, and conversely, your life is all about you!
Therefore, other people dumping their problems on you can be understood as ‘Your Problem.’ Yes, this problem exists for you and you have created it for yourself. How?
It has come about because, at some time in the past, you permitted other people to offload their issues onto what they assumed was a willingness by you to listen! So you have a problem, and it’s you that needs to sort it out…. And you cannot do this by ‘fixing’ them!
Let’s Begin by Looking at the Two Aspects Separately
First, You Think That Other People Need To Get Their Act Together To Make Your Life Better
Of course, we all consider that our lives would be better if everyone we came into contact with would just behave in ways that pleased us. However, other people are not always going to conform to what you or I consider good behavior.
Some people are busy focusing on their problems. Yes, they are busy constantly regurgitating the very stuff they are adamant that they don’t want in their lives. However, our energy flows to where our attention goes. And this means that they will just continue to have issues until they change what they are focusing their attention on.
This is a Universal Law, the Law of Vibration, (commonly understood as The Law of Attraction) and it is uncompromising. Therefore, those people who are dwelling in the energy of the problem, and off-loading that energy onto you, are not doing themselves or you any favors. They are keeping their vibration low and dragging you down with them.
And you will know this because being around them will leave you feeling drained, exhausted, frustrated, and possibly anxious or even depressed. And does any of this sound like a good reason to be in this ‘friendship?’
The reason you want friends in the first place is to generally improve your life, isn’t it? You want to be able to hang out and have fun together, laugh, and generally forget about the issues you are having with your family, work, health, or other aspects of your life.
However, if you know someone who is constantly whining about their problems, they are not adding to the quality of your life! So, considering that they are still bringing you down (for how long already?) maybe you need to redefine the terms of your relationship.
The best thing you can do for them is to allow them to live their life as they want…. and to change your relationship with them so that they are not having such a negative impact on you.
Changing Other People Is Not Your Responsibility
Sure, they come to you, download all their crap, and maybe even ask for advice…. How many times has this happened, and how many times have you given advice that you know will help them, and yet nothing ever gets resolved?
The next time you see them, it’s the same or similar crap all over again….. After a while, this gets rather boring, frustrating, and disappointing, and makes you feel belittled that your well-thought-out advice was not even considered by them.
Well, the funny thing about this is…. That they will do whatever the hell they want to do regardless of what you think and say. So you have two options if you want to remain friends with people like this.
1) You need to learn to accept them just as they are:
You are not responsible for other people! So, do the thing you can do, which is love and support them anyway, and forget about the things that you can’t do which is ‘fix their lives.’ Trying to ‘fix’ them can backfire on you in several ways.
– You can deprive them of the opportunity to grow by learning from their own mistakes: Just consider your own life for a moment. What has been the greatest impetus for personal growth and development you have ever had? It’s got to be the times when you were at your lowest points, right?
It’s when we are up against the worst of it that we have the opportunity for the greatest inspiration, the best insights, and the best feeling ever when we can overcome our problems by ourselves. This gives us the strength and knowing that we are capable and powerful…. The opposite of this is when we feel disempowered and useless because someone else has fixed our problems for us.
– An equally bad scenario is when you offer advice, maybe some of it is implemented…. and then things end up no better or even worse! Who do you think is going to get the blame? Yup, probably you…. Your ‘friend’ is now not only going to dump on you but also be angry with you for giving crap advice!
2) Create Boundaries or just get the hell out of there:
A better option if you want this person to continue to be a part of your life is to
let them know that you are no longer available as a dumping ground for all of their problems.
Maybe the best thing you can do for them is to just tell them that you are not a professional therapist and that they would be better off seeking professional help. Tell them that it’s a good idea because offloading their problems onto you for all this time has not helped solve them!
Online therapy is growing in popularity these days as it is more affordable and more convenient than having to go to a therapist’s office. You can choose from thousands of qualified mental health practitioners and connect when it’s convenient for you by video chat, phone calls, and texting for immediate help with any issue you are facing. Check out Online-Therapy.com and get 20% off with this link > > >
Their response will tell you how serious they are about fixing their issues, or if they revel in being a professional ‘victim.’ If so, no amount of your time or effort will solve anything as they will just keep coming up with ‘new problems’ so they can remain the center of your attention and keep stealing your energy.
For more information on dealing with people with a victim mentality, you may like to check out my post: What’s The Best Way to Deal with Low Vibrational People?
Wouldn’t you rather have friends that cared about you?
Secondly, It’s You That Needs to ‘Become the Change’ So That Your Life Will Get Better!
Changing your relationship with someone always requires a period of adjustment. If you have always been available for them to vent their issues to, and suddenly you decide that you don’t want to be, they may become confused or even get angry for a while.
However, if you truly value yourself, you will begin changing the dynamics of, or even getting out of, relationships that are not leaving you feeling good.
It’s not being selfish in any way when you put your needs above the needs of others…. After all, isn’t that what they are doing when they are constantly dumping on you…. making out that their lives and problems are more important than yours?
Your priority should always be to nurture yourself in the best possible ways so that you can remain in a good feeling state as much as possible. Why? Because when you are feeling good then you have more positivity to offer back into the world… and everyone will benefit from that!
So, do the best possible thing that you can do for yourself and your friends…. become a positive example of the joys that being a happy, healthy, and successful person brings…..
By becoming a shining light of optimism and confidence, you will have a greater positive effect on them than just sitting around and listening to their problems every time they need some to dump on.
And when they wake up and ‘see the light,’ they will begin asking how you do it… and how they can also climb out of their despair, negativity, and victimhood, to become a better person like you are….