This is a question I’ve heard often asked throughout the years and one that has never really been answered comprehensively. It’s evident that in life we cannot stop bad things from happening but we do have the power to choose how we respond. So, in this article, I wish to share some ideas with you in the hopes that it may offer some insights on why bad stuff happens in the hopes of making your journey a little lighter.
So, why do bad things happen to good people?
First, we need to define what is bad and what is good. This short video from ‘Dare To Do Motivation’ shows us that it is only our perceptions of what is happening that makes us consider stuff as good or bad. It is only just over two minutes long and well worth viewing for the perspective offered.
Did you watch it? So now you know the difference between good and bad, right?
So, good and bad are relative, depending on our unique perspective, just as ‘up’ only has meaning when there is ‘down,’ and both are relative to what level you are currently on. Sure, ‘left’ exists and because it does, we also have ‘right’….. but even left can be in a different direction- depending on if I am facing forward or backward.
So it seems that not much is absolute, but rather reliant on our judgments of what we think we are experiencing, relative to what we believe we know.
The world of duality that we live in needs this balance so that harmony is maintained. If we didn’t have the in and out, the up and down, the hot and cold, the left and right, the world as we know it couldn’t physically exist, and then we would not have this wonderful playground to experience the game of life.
Having said this, that bad is as equally valid as good, I am in no way, what-so-ever, implying that we need to suffer or experience the bad. However, as life continues to unfold stuff is going to happen, and it is up to us how we respond. And as the farmer in the video knew, it is up to the way we think about what is happening that causes us to suffer, or not, or believe something is either bad or good.
“Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important: they did occur, and so be it. From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild.”
I loved Paulo Coelho’s book, The Alchemist, more than twenty years ago when I first read it. He writes about a young shepherd boy who embarks on what becomes a journey of self-discovery. The boy (Santiago) is tested many times by seemingly unfortunate events, or ‘bad’ things.
However, he soon learns that the way through is to never dwell on the past and to never ever let the bad things that have happened define him. Santiago could have easily chosen to keep remembering his past misfortunes and feel sorry for himself, (and I know people who do this,) but he learned that this would serve no useful purpose and would only keep him stuck in a never-improving cycle of despair, gloom, and misery.
He instead chose wisely to make the most of the situations and to concentrate his energy (his thoughts and actions) into the present moment to create a better future for himself, as he discovered that it is only in the present moment that we have any power to make choices.
“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”
I think most of us have some (or know others who are living with) regrets, trauma, and pain, from the past. There is no doubt that some people have experienced horrific events in their lives, things that melt the hearts of normal people when they hear about it.
Some of these people have used these experiences to propel them to greatness. The internet is full of tragedy to success stories, and while the story of what happened is not pretty, the outcome of achievement, success, strength, and power, could never have been attained without the initial bad stuff.
The difference between those that are triumphant, and others who are not, is the desire to overcome. It’s as Walter Anderson said in the quote above, “I can choose to rise above the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself.”
“We are made of memories and formed by experience. I keep wondering what kind of people we would be, and what kind of world this would be, if when bad things happened we could erase them, or somehow make them sweet.”
I love this quote from Sue Halpern. There is true wisdom being expressed here.
It is all our experiences that have contributed to making us who we are right now. And if we were somehow able to erase any of them, we would essentially be a different person.
When we were young, maybe we were curious about what was happening on the stove top. So we pulled a chair over, climbed up, and touched the heated cooking element. We got burned, it hurt like hell…… but we never did it again! We learned from the bad experience. We were made wiser for having had the experience.
Now imagine if we could erase that experience. How many times would we keep doing the same stupid things because we no longer have the memories of what the consequences were?
“Bad things are actually good things for awakening! But the best thing is to be awakened before the bad things happen!”
Mehmet Murat ildan
Awaken before the bad things happen? OK, good idea! But for most of us, it’s the ‘happening’ or experiencing the bad things that compel us to make the positive changes in our lives. Without being exposed to an array of events, dramas, and circumstances, we would have nothing to create friction within us, and it’s the tension or unease we experience because of the contrasting feelings that motivates us to make changes.
Can you imagine living a life where everything was great all the time, and there was nothing that you could disagree with? I would say you would have to be either oblivious to the reality happening around you, or you would already be enlightened.
In some ways, a person who is oblivious to the ‘bad stuff’ has an easier life because they do not get involved in the dramas going on all around them, and they don’t feel the need to judge anything. We could say they are simple-minded because they don’t analyze everything. For them, bad doesn’t exist….. life is just happening and they don’t need to know “who did this,” “what did they say,” “and why is this happening to me?”
The results (no discernment between good and bad) are the same when an Enlightened Being participates in life, however, the process to get there may be very different. For one who is awake, they are totally aware of the interplay of ALL energies that cause ALL events to happen and ALL circumstances to materialize.
However, an Enlightened being most likely wouldn’t intervene to relieve someone of their suffering because they also know that ALL experiences are a necessary part of life. We came here to experience duality and grow from the lessons provided by the good and the bad. And it is only because we have both that we are able to evolve.
Who knows, perhaps the simple person (like the farmer in the video above) who is able to accept ALL OF LIFE and remain at peace is actually an Enlightened Being?
We have some role in almost everything that happens in our lives. When “bad” things happen, the mistake is not in the role, but in calling them bad. For in calling them bad, we call ourselves bad, since we had a role in their creation. We then have only two choices: blame ourselves, or disown our creative power, neither of which is congruent with our highest purpose.
Neale Donald Walsch
Neale Donald Walsch authored the book series ‘Conversations with God.’ So, if he was getting his information directly from ‘The Big Man Himself’ you’d think that his information would be pretty good. And, for me, it is great!
We either believe that we are powerless and have no control over anything in our lives…. Which doesn’t make any sense at all, because we all know that even a simple decision like going right instead of left is going to immediately lead to a different outcome. We will see different things, smell different stuff, meet different people, hear different sounds, and therefore our lives, from the moment we made that one small decision, are changed.
How many small decisions do we make every day? And how many BIG decisions do we make, ones that completely change the direction of our lives, and therefore the circumstances we receive?
So the remaining choice that Neale leaves us with is that we blame ourselves for the bad stuff, and believe that we are somehow ‘bad.’ Yes, we all do this at times. We call ourselves stupid, dumb, clumsy, forgetful…..etc. And as he points out, this is a mistake, because it is harming us!
When a child is learning to walk and falls over, we don’t scold him and say ‘what’s the matter with you, get up and walk you little dummy.’ (I hope we don’t!) No, any reasonable parent will offer encouragement and support because we realize that life is an unfolding experience from knowing nothing and being born incapable, and progressing to become masterful humans filled with wisdom and abilities.
It’s the journey we are here to experience, and if we don’t scold our children when they are not yet fully equipped, why do we do it to ourselves when we are also still learning and growing….. the journey never ends…… so be kind to yourselves, because while we are alive there is still more to experience and learn!
“The world seems to want us to be sad and angry because bad things frequently happen. But I say we should feel the opposite. We should be happy and cheerful because good things happen. We should be delighted to see the sun rise and stars glow and rainbows color stormy skies. We should savor every simple breath and eat each meal with gratitude. We should slumber in sweet dreams and relish moments of laughter and love. We should take more notice of the joys and kindnesses that do exist, still dictating the actions of millions of good people all over the world. Life is filled with pleasant moments, not just grief. We should be happy because this is true.”
Richelle E. Goodrich, from her book ‘Slaying Dragons.’
By changing our perspective, as Rachelle Goodrich suggests, we dramatically change the way we are feeling about our lives….. this is it…… this is how we make our lives better….. simply by choosing to think different thoughts that lead to better feelings within us!
So what are you waiting for? The next thing to happen to complain about, or are you going to decide to look at life from a new and fresh perspective knowing that everything that happens is for our benefit, regardless of if we can understand the benefit or not! And this mirrors what Mr. Blake is referring to in the next quote:
“Be grateful for everything good and bad that comes to you. For all things have contributed to your advancement.”
J. P. Blake
“Never put the key to your happiness in somebody else’s pocket,”
Kush and Wisdom ideas
It’s necessary to take responsibility for our own lives, after all, no one else can compel us to think certain thoughts. We have free will and are therefore able to choose how we think about the stuff going on in our lives, and this, of course, leads to the way we are feeling. AND THERE IS NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAT THE WAY WE ARE FEELING!
“The sea is not less beautiful in our eyes because we know that sometimes ships are wrecked by it.”
Our experience of life is no less beautiful because of all the ‘bad stuff’ that is happening in the world….. unless we choose it to be so. And then again…..
“Maybe bad things happen because it’s the only way we can keep remembering what good is supposed to look like.”
I’d love to know what you think about ‘good and bad.’ Please leave me a comment below so that my readers and I can benefit from your wisdom.
Shared with love and respect for all souls who choose to play the game of life.