There are many reasons why other people may dislike us. And because all people are unique, the reasons will vary depending on who we are talking about.
However, before we explore this concept further, we need to ask one fundamental question that will change how you view this problem forever…… and that is: How much do you like yourself?
I say this is an important question to answer because if you don’t even like yourself very much, why do you think that other people should like you? It stands to reason that if there are lots of things about your personality that you wish were different, other people may also see those traits as undesirable. And so no matter what you do to ‘get them to like you’ they choose instead, to keep their distance from you.
It’s not enough to be nice to people when you are with them to win them over. Our essential personality traits are deeply ingrained within us and will reveal themselves, sometimes at the most inopportune times, even when we are trying our best to be nice. Stress, fear, pressure, etc. will always reveal who we are at our core to those we are socializing with. And people pick up on the fact that we to be something we are not….. and nobody likes this!
Or maybe we are just not a very likable person for any number of reasons that we’ll go through below. And if any of these traits apply to you, maybe you should consider doing some personal development work to make yourself into a better person…. The kind that other people (nice people) want to hang out with.
What are some undesirable personality traits that I may have that make people dislike me?
1) We love it when someone is always demanding to be the center of attention, right?
No, not really! So, is your need for attention sucking the life out of your ‘friends’ so much that they try and avoid being around you? If you are an energy vampire, you feel better when you are draining the energy out of other people.… and they will always leave the encounter feeling drained, depleted, and exhausted…. So, if they have half a brain, they will avoid you like the plague whenever possible.
If this is you, you need to learn how to raise your energy levels without stealing the life force from other people. Other ‘good people’ are naturally drawn to us when we are vibrant, alive, and self-sufficient in terms of energy. Because they know that after spending time with us, they will leave feeling better than before we met.
2) Are you a constant critic, always judging others, and always complaining and whining?
Yeah great…. There is nothing better than spending a nice cup of coffee, or the day, with someone who does nothing but complain about everything. Also good is when they give their unsolicited judgmental opinion about everything they can think of! Of course, I’m joking…… I would run a mile from these types of people, wouldn’t you? They just leave us feeling depressed and exhausted.
If this is you, you need to learn to look at life differently. Just because you don’t like something, it doesn’t mean that you have to let everyone else know what you think….. especially if it doesn’t affect you in any way whatsoever! Often, minding your own business is the best solution. Sure, interact about things that you are asked about and that affect you, but otherwise does everyone else really need to know what you think about stuff that doesn’t affect you and is outside of your ability to change?
If you choose to look at life through a ‘different mental filter’ you could see all the great stuff that is happening around you instead. Wouldn’t that make you feel better? And you know what? When you are feeling better, you are much more pleasant to be around…… so people are naturally drawn to you. Just think about it…. how many of us naturally want to be around angry, nasty, bitter people. Aren’t we all naturally drawn to happy, friendly, positive people by choice? Which one are you?
3) Can we talk about the past again, please?
Because I haven’t heard the same ‘they did you wrong’ story 100 times yet…. It’s only been 99. OMG, please, just find a way to leave the past in the past where it belongs, and please, please, start living in the present. Your life is happening NOW, right here, NOW! This is the third time I will put NOW
in capital letters….. why? Because it’s really important.
You cannot live a great life if you are always thinking about the past…. Thinking of the past will just attract (Law of Attraction) more of the same crap into your life that you are still complaining about.
To make a better future for yourself, you have to create it in your mind first…. Your thoughts need to be focused on what you want for your future, not the shitty past you are wanting to move on from…….GET OVER IT, LET IT GO, AND MOVE ON!
4) Are you reliable or does what you want always take precedence over everyone else’s?
Maybe you have let people down too many times already. So now they may consider that it’s not worth their time to expect you to be true to your word….. especially when you have broken many promises in the past. Maybe you leave people waiting a little too frequently, or maybe you don’t do the things you said you would, that they needed doing…. and it’s ended up reflected poorly on them.
There is only so much ‘being let down’ that people can take before they write you off as an undesirable liability. And in all fairness, wouldn’t you do the same if you were in their shoes? I know that you are the most important person in your life, but you’re not in theirs….. Other people also have all their own dramas to deal with, and they don’t need to deal with your crap from you on top of that as well.
This is an easy issue to fix. All you have to be is true to your word. If you say you are going to do something that affects other people, then follow through with it. If you don’t think you can help when asked or needed, speak the truth and say you’re not able to or not sure if you can help them.
People respect the truth…. They may not like it, but at least they will know where they stand. This allows them to make other plans that will still allow them to achieve their goals…..
What people don’t like is being told ‘Yes I will be there for you at noon tomorrow,’ and being left in the lurch because you don’t show up as promised. This is a good reason not to like someone….. Have you ever been left in the crap before? Did it make you like that person more or less? Let me guess, umm, less?….. Just don’t ever do it to anyone!
5) You gossip behind other people’s backs, you are slow to forgive (if at all) and you enjoy stirring up drama for other people.
Yes, I’ll give credit where it is due….. You are a nasty piece of work. Well done!
You know who loves to hang out with these types of people?…… other nasty people, (not nice people) but other equally nasty pieces of work, that’s who! And do you know what? While they may be smiling to your face, they are busy talking about you in the same way whenever your back is turned.
Great! I am sure we all aspired to have friends like this when we were younger and happier with life. However, now we are older and, dare I say wiser, this is the life we have created for ourselves??? Wow, I’m sorry for your hardships, drama, misery, and your constant mental and emotional pain and suffering……
I say this because only a person who is suffering is wanting to bring others down to their level. It’s only misery that enjoys misery for company….. And unfortunately, miserable people cannot stand to see other people being happy because it makes them realize what they are missing out on.
Normal, healthy, well-adjusted people, do not seek out to intentionally bring other people down. Instead, happy people understand that their happiness is dependent on the environment around them being a pleasant space. And this means they naturally want to be around other happy, successful, and fun people……
If you are fundamentally unhappy but are wanting people to like you, you need to learn to like yourself first. To learn how you can read my post: Want to learn how to feel better: 8 quick fixes and 11 long-term solutions to make your life better.
6) Do you accept responsibility for your words and actions, or do you blame others for your problems?
Not one of us is perfect. That’s just a fact of life. And because life is a progressive experience of learning and developing ourselves, it means that we don’t yet know, and are not yet capable of doing everything. And this means that sometimes we will make mistakes and mess things up.
Ok, the last time you messed something up, did the world end? No? Did it wobble off its axis a little? No? Did you own up to it? No…. I bet you felt guilty for that for a while?
I believe the guilt of lying and the fear of being discovered are usually more detrimental to our well-being than the consequences of accepting responsibility for what we have done. And what’s worse, is when we are discovered, people don’t like the fact that we didn’t accept responsibility for our words and actions, and even worse, that we may have tried to blame someone else. And that person we blamed now has a seriously good reason not to like us as well!
Other people understand that we are not perfect. They understand it because they know they are not perfect either. And the fact that there is not a person alive who has not cocked something up should remind us that we don’t have to get everything right all the time.
Even doctors and lawyers don’t get it right a lot of the time. And that’s why they are ‘practicing’ medicine and law…… Our lives are a continual evolution of knowledge, understanding, and experiences. And hopefully, we get better and wiser as we age, but unfortunately, this is not always the case. Some people actually get dumber because they never accept responsibility for their words and actions. Therefore, they don’t learn the valuable lessons that are inherent within social responsibility.
People will accept you and respect you more if you are a responsible person who accepts the consequences of their actions. Often they will even go out of their way to help you put things right because then everyone will benefit.
7) This is a collection of other reasons that are pretty self-explanatory.
Please write a comment in the section below if you want to discuss any of these points further and I will get back to you asap.
– Are you constantly attached to your cell phone instead of engaging with the real people you are out with?
– Are you always having to show off your new bag, car, shoes, phone, etc. (This gets really boring real quick!)
– Are you shy? Have you given other people the opportunity to get to know you yet?
– Are you needy and clingy to a particular person? This will become very boring for that person, and will not get you any respect from others in the group.
– Does your personal hygiene need improvement? Do you smell bad and are your clothes not clean or inappropriate for the occasion? Yup…..stay far away from that person!
– Do you always interrupt others when they are sharing their thoughts, opinions, and beliefs? This is a bullying tactic, and if you want people to like you, you will allow them to contribute equally when they wish to do so. There is no advantage in you ‘being in control’ all the time. In fact, it may stop other people from liking you.
So, I hope you now have a good understanding of the main reasons ‘why people don’t like me.’
As I mentioned in the beginning, there is no one definite answer as to why people don’t like us because we are all individuals. And the people we are interacting with are also individuals and therefore have their own issues to deal with.
This means that you may be interrupting their actions incorrectly. And instead of ‘not liking you’ they may just be busy dealing with their issues, which will include all of the same stuff I’ve listed above and more.
Not everyone is always going to like us, and the sooner we accept that, the better. However…… it is very important for our health and quality of life that we do come to like and even love ourselves. For more on why this is important, and how we can learn to love ourselves, check out my review of The Amazing You self-development program HERE.
I wish you all the best on your learning journey throughout life,
With much love and respect,