Bullying comes in many shapes, sizes, and degrees of intensity. However, the common dominator is that the actions of the bully are unwanted behavior that is designed to cause emotional, mental, or physical harm or distress to another.
We believe that it is the bully who needs to change their behavior- because after all, they are acting in unacceptable ways….. and everyone else can see that, right?
So, for us, the desired outcome is for the bully to act more sociably responsible. However, unfortunately, this is not the way that most of us are going to resolve our problems of being picked on.
I mean, how often does a bully change their behavior just because they are told that the way they are behaving is not acceptable for us? It doesn’t often happen, and there’s a good reason why. And I’ll explain why and how you can stop being picked on in this article……
Why Are People Picking On me?
Most of the people who pick on others have been (or currently are) themselves victims of bullying. They use bullying tactics to try to mask their own insecurities, to make themselves appear more powerful, and as a way of releasing built-up stress, frustration, and anger. And they may be picking on you because they are jealous of who you are and what you have, or they see you as an ‘easy target’ to vent their unresolved negative emotions.
What Makes Some People Become Bullies?
Most people who pick on and bully others don’t understand that what they are doing is unacceptable to the vast majority of us. After all, this is the way they have learned to behave, often from a very young age. So for them, bullying and being bullies is ‘normal’ behavior. When it comes down to it, it’s sad, but they just don’t know how else to respond!
Their emotional IQ is not developed enough to have empathy for others and they may not even realize the pain they are causing. Picking on others is how things have always been done in their community/family/circle of (so-called) ‘friends.’
They may have been the victim of an abusive childhood, deprived of loving caregivers, or placed under lots of stress…. and their only learned behaviors/responses include unleashing their anger, frustrations, and stress on other people, which may include you.
Just as we can’t suddenly change our habitual behaviors and conditioned responses, neither can they. And this is why simply asking a bully to change or for someone to stop picking on you is unlikely to quickly result in the change you desire. (Although, at times it can work effectively.)
What Are The Main Reasons Bullies Pick On Others?
On the other hand, if someone is constantly being picked on, it’s because the bullies know they can get away with their bad behavior. If they sense weakness and think a person is an easy target, they will seek to exploit their vulnerability.
And this is typically how nature works as well. Even the most powerful carnivore hunters (lions, tigers, etc.) never chase after the strongest prey. Instead, they pick on the easy targets, the ones that are most likely to guarantee they will achieve their goal of a meal for the day.
The bully has a similar mission…. To get what they want to make them feel better in some way or another. It’s not typically a meal like a lion, but normally a sense of empowerment, or superiority over another that is their goal.
…. Just because nature does it doesn’t mean it’s okay for others to pick on you.
However, it’s not easy to change one’s behavior, and a bully is characteristically a bully because of the environment they grew up in…..
So even if we ask them to stop picking on us now, and they comply, they are still governed by their subconscious programs and by the environment they are going back into….
They may go home, only to be picked on again by an alcoholic parent or suffer another form of abuse… And this will likely result in them resuming their previous undesirable behavior the next time we see them.
Because of this, it is the environment of the bully that needs to change before they will change their behavior….and this is typically something that we have absolutely no control over.
Why Are People Picking On You Specifically?
– They pick on you to get the desired reaction out of you. It may be fear, anger, dis-empowerment, or even your attention… because, in the mind of a bully, even negative attention is better than no attention at all.
– They feel threatened because you are better at something than them. And they want to keep you down below their level so they can look better in front of their peers, social groups, or workmates.
– They may be lonely and are reaching out for human contact, the only way they know how. It’s a bit like the young awkward boy at school…. He likes a girl and begins pulling her hair to get attention…. He’s definitely annoying and maybe he even hurts her. But he persists because he doesn’t know how else to express himself.
– Sometimes the bully is a person who has achieved success or ‘status’ and now believes they are in a powerful enough position to do and say whatever they want without fear of consequences.
– They lack control over their lives and resent others who seem to ‘have their act together.’
– The bully may have different cultural values, ideals, and views on how to live life than you. And unfortunately, they may try to force you and others to conform to their ideals.
What Effect Does Being Bullied Have On You?
Being picked on really sucks. It’s humiliating and embarrassing, and over time, if allowed to continue, it will damage your sense of self-worth!
Yes, if you let people pick on you, you not only suffer the immediate effects but also the more serious degradation of your self-esteem. This means that you become less valuable in your own mind.
And once this happens, every aspect of your life will be negatively affected. You will feel unworthy of having a great job, a loving relationship, or even a close caring circle of friends…..
The really sad thing is that even if good things do come your way, your beliefs that you are somehow unworthy (because other people have told you so) will lead to you sabotaging them….
…. And according to The Law of Attraction, you will then receive more circumstances in your life that match your beliefs that you are unworthy.
Why? Because we live in a universe based on attraction, not assertion….. and the Law Of Attraction states that YOU receive according to YOUR beliefs, not the bully’s beliefs or anyone else who is picking on you.
YES! YOU attract YOUR reality because of the beliefs you hold to be true!
And this is where the only real and lasting solution to stopping people from picking on you lies.
We need to improve the beliefs we hold about ourselves! And only then will we ATTRACT better circumstances into our lives.
You Need To Empower Yourself To Stop Being Picked On.
It’s important to understand that who you are is not ‘fixed.’ You do not have to remain as you are now, as someone who passively accepts bullying, as someone who feels powerless and defeated.
The point I want to get across here is that: You cannot control the behavior of others… but you can regulate how you feel about what they are doing and how you respond to what is happening. And this is where your power to resolve your problems is.
Everything and anything about you can be changed if you have the willpower and desire to do so. You can change specific aspects of yourself, or you can change your whole personality….. And everything you do that empowers you more will have positive repercussions in EVERY aspect of your life.
The secret to empowering yourself is that you have to do it…. No one else can do it for you! You have to stop being a magnet for mistreatment- for your own sake.
So, what I am suggesting here is this: It’s not the bully that we need to change (because we don’t have the power or the right to do that) but it is we that need to change ourselves!
How Can You Stop Others Picking On You?
– If possible, initially (until you have built resilience, confidence, and self-esteem) avoid the bullies. This is a temporary situation at best. Because, if you are harboring a victim mentality in any way whatsoever, you are a bully magnet. Therefore, other bullies will be attracted to you….
The Law of Attraction is indiscriminate and always gives us results in our lives according to our deep-seated (often unrealized) subconscious beliefs.
So, to change your life for the better: Different strategies will work better than others depending on your specific circumstances……
– Empower yourself as much as possible, mentally, emotionally, and physically. Work on improving your self-esteem and raising your vibration.
– Instead of turning away, build resilience by facing your fears and weaknesses and doing your best to overcome them.
– Challenge yourself to grow. Begin a practice that helps you ‘know yourself better. This can include things like martial arts, yoga, meditation, etc.…. anything to cultivate a sense of self-knowledge, inner peace and equanimity.
– Don’t react/respond negatively… this will only empower the bully and encourage them to continue with more of the same behavior. If you can’t walk away, change the way you would normally react….treat it as a bad joke and laugh it off or make eye contact with them while adopting a solid body posture…. But be careful, as some bullies may consider this a challenge and resort to physical violence.
– Don’t accept abusive behavior. Either ignore the bully or walk away, but whatever you do, don’t be drawn into an argument or fight with them…. This is what they may want. So by refusing to comply, you will not give them any power over you.
– People who are mentally and emotionally healthy do not bully others. It is ‘Hurt People that Hurt People.’ So if someone is picking on you, it is because they have issues that they are unable to deal with in healthy ways.
– A bully is most unlikely to change their behavior just because you don’t like what they are doing. They are just responding in habitual ways that conform to their mental programs.
– If you are a victim of bullying or have been picked on often throughout your life, then you are attracting (vibrating in resonance with) these types of behaviors.
– To attract different circumstances into your life (respect, harmony, love, appreciation) it is you who needs to change, not the bully. Once you begin resonating with higher frequencies, those who are picking on you will naturally disappear from your life because they will no longer be attracted to your improved vibration.
– Anger, fear, resentment, etc. are qualities that will not help you escape the radar of a bully. Instead, qualities including love, compassion, gratitude, and appreciation will propel you far beyond the reach of those who are currently picking on you.
– Become who you want to be, and with time, the world around you will respond to the new version of you. This may mean ‘faking it until you make it’ for a while…. All change takes time…. and any time you invest in becoming a ‘greater version of yourself’ is time well spent. Learn how to begin telling a better story about yourself in my article HERE.
– Be discerning about who you spend your time with…. Because in this life, nothing is more important than the way we feel!