From the moment we are born, we are being educated/programmed with information from our peers and our environment. We absorb all sorts of ideas about relationships, wealth, work ethics, learning ability, etc. all of which blend together to make up our unique perspectives. And it is through the lens of the beliefs we form that we act out our lives.
We may have learned from those closest to us that money is hard to come by, scarcity is rampant, love is never a smooth ride, and that we are ‘not good enough’ and therefore undeserving of love and unworthy of achieving our dreams. Alternatively, we may be taught by parents and peers who are financially secure, loving, considerate, generous, and encouraging. For most of us, it’s a mixed bag and everything and anything is possible in this diverse world.
Either way, through socialization, (the process of internalizing the norms and ideologies of society to ensure social and cultural continuity) we generally seek validation from others in the groups we belong to. And by seeking external approval from others and conforming to their ideas, we ensure that we do not deviate too far from the currently accepted norms…… Life continues pretty much as normal.
Our personalities are based on a collection of ideas that we have thought so often that they become our beliefs
A continuation of the same life content is great for those of us who are raised in healthy, wealthy, happy, and wise environments. These children have grown up appreciating themselves and the lives they are living. For these people, the ones who respect themselves, life is fun and adventurous, and they don’t spend time questioning themselves and their abilities. They have a healthy life-affirming relationship with themselves.
However, for so many within our societies, those who are unhealthy, unhappy, struggling financially, and have a multitude of other problems and issues, life could be considered ‘not so good.’ They will often question themselves, doubt their abilities, and suffer from low self-confidence and low self-esteem.
No matter who we are, we did not consciously choose what information to be programmed with when we were young. We have all grown up as a product of the environment our young minds were immersed in. And the majority of our beliefs, ideas, and opinions have come from the programming we received within the first seven years of our lives. This is just the way things are……..
The process repeats itself as we subject our children to the current cultural norms or consensus reality that we are now a part of. Just like us, our children learned and adopted ideas and habits, not by choice, but due to the circumstances of their birth. This means that we are setting them up for lives that include a continuation of the unresolved issues that we, as parents and caregivers, are currently facing.
Children unconsciously absorb ALL information that they are exposed to, whether it be beneficial or detrimental to their overall wellbeing. They are simply unable to differentiate and therefore cannot make conscious choices about what is good for their future and what will hinder their desires for a happy fulfilling life.
Their young and impressionable super-aware brains store data about everything they see, hear, taste, feel, and smell. Our children also notice and store information about what their peers think about life’s circumstances and events, and how they have acted and reacted to it all. This is just the process of growing and developing….. Perfectly normal and a fantastic way to learn lots of information about life, societies, and cultures, quickly and easily.
Awareness of our thoughts and beliefs gives us an understanding of why our life circumstances are as they currently are.
This is how we became who we are now. We were programmed and took on beliefs and habits similar to those we had the closest contact with and those that made the biggest impressions upon us. Some of this information is great and benefits us and some of it keeps us repeating cycles of struggle, hardship, lack, and fear. It’s never all good or all bad! I’m sure all of us can be grateful for some of the traits and beliefs we received from our peers and at the same time wish that we were not similar in other ways.
As I already mentioned, the unfortunate thing about all of this is that, as children, we could not choose which information we wanted to accept as part of our subconscious programs and which to reject. When born, our minds are in a receptive state (or theta brainwave state.) This means that until the age of around seven, we accepted all information, and then for better or
But that’s another story and you can learn more about reprogramming your subconscious minds for success, wealth, confidence, love, weight loss, and anything else you desire in some of my previous posts including:
So what has this got to do with my relationship with myself?
So often, most of us are looking for validation that we are OK from other people, from test results, qualifications, our partners and families, and any other measures of so-called success we can find. We do this primarily because our education systems are based on competition and we have been raised with the notion of scarcity implanted firmly as a dominant mind program.
We compete at school for grades, at sports to win, against others for the best jobs, for the best spouse, etc. And if we are at the top of the pile, we are happy. If not, then we think there is something wrong with us and we must somehow be undeserving of the best things in life.
A scarcity consciousness or mindset leads us to make poor decisions. We are more likely to settle for things that we are not entirely happy with, i.e. we may stick with an unhappy relationship, stay in an unfulfilling job, and put up with an abusive boss, etc. when it would be in our best interest to move on.
All the situations that we continue to put up with, instead of acting in our best interests, slowly further erode our self-esteem and self-respect. This causes us to feel trapped, depressed, alone, fearful, and a whole host of other negative feelings that degrade our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing which serves to lower our levels of satisfaction with life in general.
Why is seeking approval and validation from external sources not in our best interests?
It is the system we are part of, our societies, or ‘the consensus reality,’ that teaches us to look for validation outside of ourselves as an indicator of our ‘worth.’
If we need external validation or approval from outside of ourselves before we can be happy or satisfied with life, then we are doomed to live a life that will never fully satisfy us. This is not necessarily because our lives are ‘not good’ but because we may believe others when they criticize us or compare us to what someone else has achieved.
The reality is that not one of us will ever be the best at everything all of the time…. So there will always be someone who has something negative to say about what we do, think, and feel.
How does hearing these words make you feel? You are not fast enough, not the brightest student, not the best parent or lover, you are too fat, tall, short, skinny, bossy, weak, etc……. The list is endless and includes every and all aspect of life.
We need to understand that there are ALWAYS going to be other people who do not approve of what we are doing, saying, thinking, and feeling. Cultural, religious, political, and educational differences ensure this is so. So, knowing that we can’t please everyone all of the time, who should we set out to please?
It is to our benefit when we are taught HOW TO MANAGE THE RELATIONSHIP WE HAVE WITH OURSELVES because this is the only relationship that is fundamentally important to our level of satisfaction and fulfillment with OUR lives.
We cannot please everyone, so we should focus on living our lives in the best possible way we can according to our own goals and dreams.
Unless we are among the fortunate few that were raised in ‘ideal’ conditions, our self-esteem and self-worth are to varying degrees dependent on what others think about us. By caring what other people think, we are opening ourselves up to a bottomless pit of comparison and criticism that will never end. Because as we ‘remedy’ one issue, another will simply appear to replace it, and then another and another.
However, we should not allow our self-worth to be dependent on what others think about us and what we are doing. This is because the issues that others have with us and the way we live are just their opinions and only tell us about their thoughts and beliefs, that’s all. If we are a steady and stable worker, we may be criticized by our overachieving friend for being too lazy. Whereas, our lazy friends will consider us to be hardworking and destined for success.
So, who is right? Who should we turn to for validation when all we are ever going to get back are conflicting opinions from different people that will also fluctuate depending on how they are feeling at any given moment? For example, when someone is happy they will give us a different ‘evaluation’ than when they are angry, lonely, sick, broken-hearted, or jealous, etc. So, when you think about it, is it really a good idea to form an opinion of ourselves based on the thoughts of others who are fickle and really more interested in themselves than they are in us?
Our happiness and well-being are our responsibility and should be our priority.
Self-care is critical for us to enjoy a great life. This means that we have to cultivate an amazing relationship with ourselves. No longer can self-criticism be tolerated, no longer can we continue to engage in behaviors that knowingly adversely affect our mental, emotional, and physical health.
Instead, we need to invest in our personal growth and development to ensure that we are living a life that we are happy to be living. Our relationship with ourselves has to become amazing and this means we have to do things that bring us joy, happiness, that excite and stimulates us, and make us appreciate the very fact that we are alive.
It’s important to realize that where we are now and the things that are happening in our lives are temporary. Everything changes…. This is the nature of reality. Your life is not the same as it was ten years ago, last year, or even last week, even though it may seem similar in many aspects. Change is inevitable and will not be denied.
The question is ‘how do we want to be living our lives in the future?’ Asking this question is an important first step to achieving our goals and dreams, for without a direction to move in, we are just drifting along with the currents being provided by others. And as already mentioned, those others are mostly interested in what they want rather than what we want!
So, what do you want? How do you want to be living? How do you want to be feeling each and every day?
For the aspects of our lives that we are happy with, we can enjoy the satisfaction we feel when we tell our story “as it is.” Talking about, and remembering, the good things and feelings will attract more of the same into our lives and this is, of course, desirable. So be positive, be optimistic and be as happy as you can as often as you can!
However, if there are aspects of our lives that are not working out so well and we wish to be different, we need to remove our attention away from them. By thinking about, complaining about, and recreating the feelings that we don’t enjoy, we will, according to The Law of Attraction, hold ourselves where we are. Instead of feeling how we don’t want to be feeling, we help ourselves feel better, not by telling it how it is, but by creating a new story and telling it how we want it to be.
Reaching for a ‘better thought’ always leads to a better feeling. And since the quality of our lives is made up of individual moments, the more moments we feel better in, the better our lives are. AND if we tell it like we want it to be for long enough, we begin to feel like we wish to be feeling in the future…. BUT WE ARE FEELING IT NOW….. and when we are feeling it now, we ARE living the good feeling life we wish to be living!
Have you ever noticed how good life is when you fall in love?
Being in love is so good for us. It is a really, really, good feeling place because of the good feeling thoughts we are having. When we are in love, often many things that have been bothering us for a long time just seem to resolve themselves or lose their importance. It’s because our attention has shifted and something wonderful has distracted us away from the unwanted stuff. We are holding ourselves in a better vibrational place and therefore the good stuff we have been wanting canbegin coming in.
When you asked yourself before, ‘How do I want to be feeling each and every day,’ what answer did you get?
Your relationship with yourself is your choice. However, most of us haven’t been making conscious choices to feel good all of the time. However, because the choice is yours, you can be feeling as good as you allow yourself to be. You can begin right now to choose better feeling thoughts that will make you feel better….. and why wouldn’t you want to feel better?
Every day of our lives is worth experiencing when we feel better, and the better it gets, the better it gets! Just think about this……..
“It’s ever so much more satisfying to get into a blissful place and attract a blissful person and live blissfully hereafter than to be in a negative place and attract a negative partner and then try to get happy from that negative place.” Abraham Hicks
Shared with love and respect for all souls who play the game of life.